September 13, 2017

Why I love my single life - Marisse Lee - Guest Post

Enjoying my single life

I loathe going to family gatherings, class reunions, social parties, christenings, wakes and funerals and would not be willing to sacrifice making an appearance in any of which UNLESS I care enough about someone that I would be happy to go through the inconvenience of plastering a fake smile on my face until the event is over. I also hate those incidents in restaurants, shopping malls or any public place bumping into someone familiar or bumping into one of your sister’s or brother’s classmates or old friends and acquaintances. For one perfect reason.

I do not know why but it seems to me people view life in a very myopic, superficial manner. We are already in the 21st century but still it is not uncommon to see and hear many of them still holding on to ideas that should have been left in the long-gone and forgotten ancient past. I am talking about the general attitude and reception we get from the society at large towards singlehood.

Try going to any of the events I mentioned or try accidentally meeting an acquaintance from long time ago…the first thing that comes out of their mouth would be something like: “Hey, how are you? Are you married? Oh, how come? Why not?” And you hear that from almost anyone. Nobody asks you: “Hey, have you climb the Mount Everest? What do you think about the South China Sea squabble? What are your thoughts about the humanity?”

Myopic, I said. The way they asked you makes you think that marriage and children is the pinnacle and mother of existence – the ONLY significant and worthwhile achievement that one could do in his/her lifetime. Nothing compares. And somehow, if you fail to do so, you are less of a human. Perhaps not moneyed enough…not beautiful or attractive enough…not good enough…hence, we fail in that aspect big time.

Well, here is the thing people, Mister or Miss Single would oftentimes take your pitying looks and disparaging remarks in good graces and most likely, humor. In my case, my reaction differs depending on how I am familiar with the person but invariably, I would either just laugh it off, shrug it off, arched my brow and walk away with small smile or I would joke like “I haven’t saved enough money to buy the guy that I want”. Yet, in my mind, my irreverent spirit would like to retort back “And what makes you think I would trade my life with yours? Do you assume I would like a husband like yours?” Okay, that is plain bitchy and mean, I agree…and believe me, despite the strong temptation, I did not try even once to give them that piece of thought.

However, once and for all, let me say out loud what I think.

1) Singlehood is not synonymous with monotony or loneliness; 

the same way solitude does not necessarily mean alone and lonely. On the other hand it is precious FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE. We can lose our job and money because we do not have kids to worry about. We can change jobs and plans without much consideration simply because we can. We can drop everything and go somewhere we crave to go to.

2) Singlehood means we can be carefree and chase adventures.

While you are busy planning the meals you will cook or budgeting the money for the family needs, single people can have a full range of adventure, be reckless, and chase our passions because no one would cry over us if we die in the process…no one will get orphaned or widowed.

3) Singlehood means we have flexible financial liberty. 

Yeah, we do. At least, those ones who work their hardworking asses… and that is why we can afford to take our family to our travels…or send a relative financial assistance for education, hospitalization or other emergency like paying bills.

4) Singlehood means less stress.

Hence, we aged a bit slower. Hahaha! Now, that is a joke. I am the last person who would care about looks. I am not into clothes, bags or shoes. Travel is the only vice I have – and books. (A bitchy cousin of mine would happily point out, of course, that my vice is more expensive though.) But we do have less stress and more fun in our life.

5) Singlehood is not necessarily a life not shared. 

I am more than fortunate in this aspect, admittedly. I have the utmost luck to have sisters and cousins whom I am really close to…you know, like the ones you treat more as best friends rather than mere relatives. I live with them under the same roof…one is even a business partner. We all have the taste for wanderlust and adventure so at the drop of a hat – for as long as our wallets allow – we can book tickets and fly somewhere in the globe. Our cherished mantra is: “To work, save, travel”…once we emptied our wallets, we simply go home and repeat the process.

Many of my priceless memories were with them. They are my boon from heaven…life without them is hard to imagine. And why not? Surely with my inability to cook, I would die out of hunger if not for them. We motivate and push each other…we plan together travels the same way we plan together business ventures.

Maybe that is the reason I do not feel lackingthe reason I never felt alone and insecure…not that I could not live alone (oh, they do not like my hermit quality especially when I am so absorbed with a book that I get so oblivious with my surroundings). I have a life shared with people that matter to me…matter enough that, perhaps, their love is more than what I need or want. (Boy, a guy has to surpass that bond before I will choose a new beginning.)

Moreover, we do not envy married couples with kids…in contrast, our nephews and nieces sought our company. And why not? The witches of an aunt could take you places and adventures…we are the coolest aunts that kids could wish for - just do not mingle the fun with boyfriends/girlfriends (while studying that is) or fraternities/sororities thing and you will love us to the moon.

Ooopps, got carried away…oh so, you do not have that gang of cool ladies? Fact is, singlehood and solitude are not bad things BUT you have to be comfortable in that terms to turn it into a blissful existence. So, if you are not the type who can be a lone wolf and still be happy, then try the art of reaching out and making friends. Too shy or too introverted to do it? Then just be real kind and open, you will see that right people will still gravitate into your way.

A life shared is a life best lived…no rule said that a shared life is limited to couples. No rule said that happiness is exclusive to marriage and children. Go marry if you find love you cannot live without. But we should never ever settle down just because we fear no one will take care of us when we are old and helpless. (I have a favorite Kahlil Gibran’s thought on this matter. But maybe, I should blab about it in another topic.) And especially, we should never settle down because the society expects us to do so. OUR LIFE IS OUR OWN. No one could tell us how to run it…or how to live it.


*This was originally published in Niume 


About the author
Marisse Lee I am an entrepreneur by day, dreamer by sundown. I am a curious, irreverent and mischievous soul. Books and places enthral me which would explain why writing and travelling are my passion. I do not fancy a castle but rather a small hut by the beach with a hammock tied between two coconut trees.



Enjoying my single life

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  1. My gratitude and appreciation for featuring my article in The Wise Lark. This is one of my earliest works when I started blogging. I picked the topic mainly because writing about it provided me the opportunity to address this question and criticism. LOL!Cheers to all regardless if you are single, double or multiple choice. ��

    1. You are most welcome Marisse! :) Glad to have you featured here on my blog! I love your writing and your ideas ❤️


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